I wrote this post a while ago. Being harshly honest and open. I never posted it in fear or the reactions. Ironic right? But today, I attended a screening of a new documentary called "The Illusionists" by Elena Rossini. It prompted me to re-think this post and want to share it with y'all.
So, here it goes...
Everyone has insecurities.... right?
I scared myself the other day. For the first time in my life, I had a "self hate" thought. Sorority formal is coming up and I thought "hm, my outfit would look so much better if my stomach was flatter. Maybe I'll eat less the week before so I will look good in pictures."
This stopped right in my tracks. What was I thinking? Starving myself to look "slimmer" in photos. Harming myself. Why?
All throughout my life, I have had low self esteem. I have never been one hundred percent comfortable with my body and appearance. But I had accepted that "fact" and was content with being "less than". I tried everything. Ate well. Worked out. Drank water. Nothing made me feel completely comfortable with my body.
I have always hated how my stomach looked. Always thought it was pudgy and big. I have never worn tight clothing without covering up my stomach. I do not own a body con dress. Flowy is my friend. I've learned how to dress for my body shape to draw attention aware from my stomach to look more flattering.
The fact that I have a fear of people looking at or touching my stomach is so sad. But the fact is, most people have this. Maybe its their teeth or toes or thighs or hairline. Why though? Why do we hate parts of our bodies? Our bodies are amazing and unique. No two stomachs are the same. Why do we compare ourselves to actresses, singers, athletes, and our peers.
I am here to say that I love my body. I love my pudgy tummy and my chicken skin on my arms and my uneven eyebrows and my long toes and my freckles on my legs. I love my body and I pledge to uplift myself and accept my body. I promise to stop comparing myself to others.
I invite you to address your insecurities. Accept them. Love them.
It's strange to hear my beautiful daughter talk about her insecurities, but it just goes to show that even people who are beautiful on the outside don't always see it. Our society paints an unrealistic picture of what we should be, and unfortunately it's unavoidable to compare yourself to that standard at some point.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I don't love the way all of my parts look, I have come to accept that they are all part of me and I do like me. I could work to change the things that I don't love and still plan to do more of that, but instead and so far, I have spent most of my life taking care of my family, my home, my animals and my patients and have spent little time on myself. But I do those things for me as well because that's who I am. My toes are ugly so I rarely show them, but I am thankful to have feet with toes that carry me around where I need and want to go. I think with age and wisdom (which for some can come early) we hopefully come to appreciate our bodies and all of the wonderful things that it can do. I didn't always love the way my hair looked, but realized that I was fortunate to have hair at all. I don't think we have to see perfection in all of our parts, but hopefully we (and you my dear) can see the beauty in ourselves because we are far more than the sum of our parts.
My hope for you is first and foremost a healthy body, one that will work long hours and for many years to carry you wherever you need and want to go. I hope that you can also come to love and see the beauty that is you- inside and out.